I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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