He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
