Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
