um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
i now understand why vodka
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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