He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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