I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
