I bet he comes in French.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
