i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
