do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
