Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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