just survived the first fart of the relationship.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
