This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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