I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
