I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
