Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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