The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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