i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
