Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I would fuck him just for his dog
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
