You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
