This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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