Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Randomize
