i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
