I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
