Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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