I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
