D3 body, D1 cock
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
