Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
