jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
