I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Nicole vs. Life
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
