i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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