Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
