dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
