Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
