I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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