craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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