i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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