dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
