Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
