pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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