Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
