At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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