Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
oh god the rape fog is back!
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
