Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
