Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
