she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
