I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
