The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
