You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Rumble strips road head = magical
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
