Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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