My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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