there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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