It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
