bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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