she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Everything about him screamed your future.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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