BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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