i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
